So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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