Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
