Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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