i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
