Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
