He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
