Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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