My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is Oprah even human
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
