You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
