oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
