yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
