i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
