I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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