I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
