i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got inside last night via doggy door
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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