i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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