My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
