shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
