Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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