I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
