So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
