Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
