alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
