His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
