dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
