i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
