but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
