He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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