I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
