Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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