Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
