I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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