and you said cock pushups were impossible
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
