elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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