i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
