420 ftw
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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