this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
