the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
