she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
