remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
