Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't deserve a penis
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
