i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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