Ambien. No doubt about it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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