checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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