When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
