dude i'm inner monologue high
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
