Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
