that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
