somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
