I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
