he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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