he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
