Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
