If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
