i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
