In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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